November 8, 2024
SINGAPORE – In 2022, Mr Nazri Omar started suffering a run of personal tragedies. He lost his mother due to renal failure, suffered a debilitating stroke and then lost his father to dementia – all within the span of 100 days.
“It was the most painful period of my life. I had no time to grieve,” says the 44-year-old engineer.
He was also faced with the fact that he was now his sister’s sole caregiver.
His sister Mariyati Omar, who turned 51 in July, was born with cerebral palsy. She requires constant care, something that is more difficult for Mr Nazri after the stroke took all sensation from the right side of his body.
In the third episode of The Straits Times’ docuseries Let’s Talk About Death, Mr Nazri tries to process his pain of losing both parents before he could take care of them out of filial piety. He also makes plans so that his sister will be taken care of if anything happens to him.
We follow Mr Nazri as he pays respects to his parents at the Choa Chu Kang Muslim Cemetery. There, he meets Mr Abdul Fattah Rahman, 31, a religious officer from Masjid Khalid, who assures him that he has done right by his parents.
“Till today, even after they have passed on, you are still asking what else you can do for them. This is a sign of a pious son,” says Mr Fattah.
Back home, Mr Nazri worries about Ms Mariyati’s welfare.
She is unable to speak, walk or care for herself though she does enjoy the outdoors. “When I take her out, she’s happy. These are the things that I do not want her to be deprived of,” says Mr Nazri, whose helper takes her out in a wheelchair while he uses a walking aid.
Looking to the future, in the event of his death, Mr Nazri wants all of his assets to go towards the care of his sister.
However, he is unable to do so because the faraid (Islamic inheritance law) governs the distribution of the assets of a Muslim who has died to a hierarchy of heirs. Mr Nazri’s male cousins – both of whom he is not in contact with – are also entitled to his estate.
Mr Nazri seeks help from a Muslim estate planner who advises him to ask his cousins if they are willing to give up their inheritance share by signing a deed of family arrangement that will be recognised under the syariah law.
To ensure his sister’s welfare is fully taken care of in the event of his death or should he become incapacitated by a second stroke, Mr Nazri sets up a trust with the Special Needs Trust Company, a non-profit organisation supported by the Ministry of Social and Family Development to provide and manage trust services and long-term care plans for persons with disabilities.
Describing his end-of-life planning journey with a Malay proverb, Mr Nazri says: “Malu bertanya sesat di jalan, malu berdayung perahu hanyut.” He says it means that if you are too shy to ask for help, you will be lost on the road, and if you do not row, your boat will drift away.
He hopes that individuals will actively reach out for help, having experienced this end-of-life journey which showed “it is not the end of the world” for him. In fact, it has given him “a sense of calmness”, he says.
Let’s Talk About Death is a five-episode docuseries that follows several millennials and their loved ones as they navigate end-of-life planning, and it starts honest conversations about death and dying well.