February 24, 2025
SINGAPORE – The four Ong children, aged three, five, eight and 10, do not go for tuition, travel or shop for clothes or toys – hand-me-downs from neighbours serve them just fine.
They share bedrooms and have their meals in their five-room flat. Weekends are spent at the parks, having picnics and playing Frisbee.
This simple lifestyle makes the family’s single income go a longer way.
The father of the four children, Mr James Ong, 42, had heard from older relatives and friends that they wished they had spent more time with their families.
And so, while others in their 30s chased their careers, he made the decision to put his family first and support them with his paid work as a self-employed life coach.
His wife, 41-year-old Quek See Leng, who had been engaged in youth work before she had her eight-year-old, said people spend a lot of time and energy making sure they have enough to meet the high costs of living here.
“In time to come, we realise that actually we are serving money. We’ve always felt that money must serve us. We cannot serve money. So we must first know what we really want.”
For the couple, this is inculcating in their children values such as resilience, curiosity and caring for others – helping those who are struggling in class or befriending an unpopular classmate, for instance.
Ms Quek said that while she and her husband felt exhausted with three children, they wanted to give their youngest a playmate to grow up with.
Large families like hers are in the minority, with just 18 per cent of women here having three or more children in 2024, close to half of the 33.5 per cent in 2004.
The latest Department of Statistics data shows that women who at the end of their child-bearing years have two children made up the largest group at 41.8 per cent in 2024.
The new Large Families Scheme, which was announced by Prime Minister Lawrence Wong in his Budget speech on Feb 18, provides more financial support for families with three or more children.
This includes $1,000 per year in Large Family LifeSG Credits up till the child turns six. These credits can be used to defray household expenses such as grocery, utility and transport bills.
Ms Quek said: “Any money is helpful, because it takes a load off your mind. It gives you the freedom to attend to something else, like my kids’ emotional needs.”
She recounted how, when Mr Ong was seeking treatment for a brain tumour for six months in 2024, the couple had to dip into their savings. Thankfully, they had insurance coverage, and family and friends also came together to tide them over.
Ten-year-old Nathanael has been taking piano lessons for several years, but does not sit exams.
Eight-year-old Alethea has recently explored new interests in gymnastics, art and violin. Her parents check in on what she wants to continue – gym lessons will wind up soon as she is happy with what she has learnt.
On top of that, the older children have taken swimming lessons to learn about water safety.
Ms Quek emphasised that if she was worried about money, she would be working; however, she has chosen to invest in “learning how to grow as a parent”.
“Where we can, the adults will save up. I think our kids don’t lack (anything). We have all we need.”
The couple’s approach has worked well so far. The older two, Nathanael and Alethea, were both given Edusave Merit Bursary and Edusave Character awards earlier in February.
The awards are given to students who have shown outstanding personal qualities, good conduct and academic performance.
Nathanael, a school prefect, has also been recognised by his school as a caring leader, and for excellence in his English and Chinese language studies.
Professor Jean Yeung, director of social sciences at the A*Star Institute for Human Development and Potential, said the Large Families Scheme is a good alternative to the previous policies that encourage marriage and having a child.
She pointed to the Singapore Longitudinal Early Development Study, which found that more than one in three married couples want to have three or more children.
Reducing childcare costs such as by subsidising childcare, improving early childhood education quality and increasing MediSave support are also important in lowering barriers to start a family, said Prof Yeung.
Reducing work stress for adults and academic pressure for children will also lower the barriers for young people aspiring to form a family, she added.
In combination with flexible work arrangements, longer parental leave, lowering of childcare expenses and improved quality of pre-school, she said, the scheme “will likely improve the environment in which the Singapore child will grow up and give them a healthier, better opportunity to grow up and develop to their potential”.
Institute of Policy Studies senior research fellow Tan Poh Lin said that as large families become rarer, there can be a “contagious social effect”, with people preferring to have just one or two children.
“So the natural trend may accelerate in the absence of interventions and incentives to support larger families,” Dr Tan said.
“Encouraging families to have more children is helpful because it pushes back against smaller family size norms, which will help to shape fertility preferences. Without a change in the narrative, families may increasingly buy into the view that having one or two children is the ideal.”
As decisions on a third or fourth child may be more sensitive to cost considerations, the scheme may be more effective than a general enhancement to the Baby Bonus, Dr Tan added.
Ms Norul Izzi, who has three boys aged two, five and seven, said: “Having three children is normal in my community. So it feels natural to me.”
Having more children also means that they play with one another, and she does not have to rack her brain for ways to keep them entertained.
It also gives her ageing parents a sense of purpose, bringing them more grandchildren to love.
She often invites her mum, who lives nearby, to join them in cycling at the park. The elder woman would come on her bicycle with Milo and Oreo, and the boys surround her.
The 36-year-old is thankful to be able to hold on to her job part-time as a senior staff nurse at the National Heart Centre Singapore. Her sons are cared for by her parents or her husband, who works shifts as an Immigration and Checkpoints Authority officer, when she is working – four days a week till 4pm.
It means she can take a break from her boys, and retain a sense of identity.
“Being parents is very confusing. When you’re home, you’re overstimulated with their fighting. But when you’re at work, you miss them so much, and then it sets a better tone at home.”
Another couple who thought their family had stopped growing was met with a big surprise.
When their older daughter Charis had just started Primary 1 and younger daughter Megan was six, a baby came along.
“You finally graduate from diaper bags, and then you have to carry the army backpack again,” said Ms Janice Chiang, who is on no-pay leave from teaching.
“When Matthew was not sleeping through the night, I think I felt very tired all the time, very groggy, and then I’ll feel bad, that I was missing out on time with the older ones too,” said the 38-year-old.
The girls were afraid the baby would mean their parents would have less time for them.
“I told them that it’s not like one pizza I divide into three. It’s like when ‘didi’ (younger brother) comes along, there’s a pizza for him, just like we have one each for you,” said Ms Chiang.
Her husband, Mr Donovan Low, 36, said the whole family recently went to Pulau Ubin for a 5km hike.
“We want to show them that as busy as we are, we will still make time to do the things they like,” said the software alliances manager.
Nap time for the boy is also the parents’ chance to play Uno and chat with the girls.
When the couple get tired, they take turns to rest.
Ms Chiang said baby Matthew has brought unexpected blessings. “I feel like I get a chance to relive these (parenting) moments again at a slower pace.”
“Seeing Megan and Charis grow into their roles as older sisters, learning to take care of him and asking to carry him when they come home from school, I think that brings us joy in many ways.”
Some parents think differently. For Ms Annabelle Ang, mother to a five-year-old girl and a six-month-old boy, the scheme’s financial support would not be enough to nudge her into having a third child.
“Having a third means lowering our standard of living,” said the 31-year-old.
“I won’t spoil them, I’ll make them know it’s not easy. But I hope to give them a good life,” she said of her children, adding that this could include tuition, travel and the chance to “taste slightly finer things in life”.
Said Mr Ong, the father of four: “It is something important and valuable to be able to do – raising kids; I think that’s why we give ourselves to it. It doesn’t pay, obviously. But the rewards and the joys of seeing the kids grow, be well-adjusted, make it worthwhile.”